Which sentence should be revised to reduce wordiness?

A. People don't often consider how thoroughly their activities are monitored and recorded.

B. Some monitoring, such as video surveillance in many businesses, including banks and retail stores, is to be expected as necessary in order to provide security for the businesses.

C. People live with a general expectation of privacy, not considering how thoroughly their daily actions are monitored and recorded by various devices.

D. People live with a general expectation of privacy, but in reality their daily actions are being monitored and recorded by various devices.

The answer is B. Some monitoring, such as video surveillance in many businesses, including banks and retail stores, is to be expected as necessary in order to provide security for the businesses.

This sentence is very long and has many excess or filler words that aren't necessary for the reader's understanding of the sentence. The other sentences are more concise and maintain a stronger focus, which is how you would revise this sentence to get rid of the wordiness.

Hope this helps!

QWCyan QWCyan · Answer 2 · 2023-12-31T17:13:31-05:00

The sentence that should be revised to reduce wordiness is B. "Some monitoring, such as video surveillance in many businesses, including banks and retail stores, is to be expected as necessary in order to provide security for the businesses."

In academic and professional writing, conciseness is valued. Sentence B could be shortened without losing its meaning, which makes it the most wordy. A wordy sentence can often include redundant phrases or information that could be conveyed more succinctly. For instance, the phrase "to be expected as necessary in order" is longer than needed; it could be revised to "is necessary." The sentence could be improved to: "Businesses, such as banks and retail stores, often use video surveillance for security." This revision maintains the essential information while reducing the word count, thereby adhering to principles of clear and concise writing.