Answer :
Final answer:
The provided thesis statement about Shrek can be made more concise by rephrasing it without losing its meaning. A revised version could state that Shrek is not a hero, as he achieves his goals through violence and intimidation. Key changes include reducing wordy phrases and enhancing clarity.
Explanation:
Revised Thesis Statement
The thesis statement regarding DreamWorks' Shrek can be improved by reducing wordiness.
In its original form, the statement is:
This thesis statement is based on DreamWorks' Shrek. It is critical that Shrek not be considered a hero because his accomplishments come mostly through violence and intimidation.
A more concise version could read:
Shrek should not be seen as a hero since he primarily achieves his goals through violence and intimidation.
This revision eliminates unnecessary words while maintaining the original meaning.
Key Changes Made
- Removed the phrase "This thesis statement is based on" to streamline the introduction.
- Changed "It is critical that" to "should not be seen as" for brevity and clarity.
- Replaced "accomplishments come mostly through" with "primarily achieves his goals through" for a smoother flow.
Learn more about thesis statement revision here:
https://brainly.com/question/40933549
